*******I do not own the rights to this image, but I thought it was exactly how I was feeling and beautiful, here is the direct link that you can follow to buy this gorgeous piece: https://www.deviantart.com/kater31/art/Depression-306891283 ******
When the days seem so dreary along with the feelings of loneliness creeping in, the haze filled mind seems so unsettled and vacant. One single thought radiates throughout the dark moments, one that makes no sense, yet seems so fitting, why am I still even here? A purpose of uselessness and disgust fills the heart and gut only creating the most unsettling feelings. Where did I go wrong or why do I deserve to feel so poorly? I just don’t understand… the dark only gets darker and the hope only gets further and further away! I see myself in a tornado of grey thoughts that consume the worse part of me, the penetrating hatred for myself never seems to end. I wasn’t always like this, at least I don’t think I was, I don’t understand why I deserve to be treated so poorly or why I of all people must feel so poorly for myself… how do you put into words the madness that swirls in the mind that only I can hear and see? It’s like a blizzard at times with no ending in sight but once in a while I do see the sun pop through leaving me some hope that the cloud over me will eventually go away!! I’m not sure if that glimmer of hope is only a teaser so I continue to suffer longer by holding onto hope or if it’s really a chance of making it out of this sadness alive!
I believe I allow others words to affect me more than I should and even their actions! I guess I’m different! I do what I say and I mean what I say! I don’t make promises and not follow through but when I get in this trap and consumed in my head I have to place to run to so the tears flow un-freely! I mask my sadness with a face of a fake smile, but deep inside I’m broken into a billion pieces that can’t seem to fit back together! I’ve hurt those near and dear to me with my own misery and it’s not that I want too, it’s the darkness! Where does it come from and when will it leave? I use to be so happy until my self esteem was stolen from me and little by little that wound grew larger and larger because I never allowed myself to heal! Is it too late? Am I still able to heal? I’d take the scar over this pain any day!
Mirror Image 