You left him, you doubted him, you degraded him, yet to me he was beyond perfection!
You kicked him to the dirt, abandoned him, blamed me for your decisions, and left me with all the responsibilities of raising a young child on my own, THANK YOU, best gift I ever received! You burnt us down and left us in the wind only to be scoped up and put back together.
You didn’t want him from the day I told you I was pregnant, made me feel bad for choosing to keep him, never went to an appointment because “being a so called Rockstar wanna be was more important” but here I am, with a living legend!
My sons memories of you are not great, broken promises, a 3 year old standing in a picture window waiting for his daddy to show up, but never does, because what ever flavor of the week was more important! Telling him that he is a disgrace to you because he couldn’t do 5 push ups in a row, chasing him around my car to spank his ass because he told you like it was at 5 years old, that little 5 year old looking up me saying “Mommy please don’t ever make me see this man ever again, I don’t like him” that same little boy remembering being thrown on your bed at 4 and locking him in your dark room because he was crying to come home, leaving him in there to cry himself asleep, that same little 4 year old that lost his pacifier under the couch, crying and you screaming at him. When he was 2 months old and crying in his car seat because you wanted to eat, grabbing him and putting him in that dark room with the door shut, as he screamed his head off, not letting me go to my son, when I went and grabbed him and got ready to leave you told me I was creating a bastard. Money was more important in your simple boring world, the dollar sign drove the madness within you not allowing you to see that you have a son in front of you that at one time looked up to you. Its never your fault, no, its always someone else’s fault, doesn’t matter because to place the blame only masks the guilt and negativity in your sad pathetic world.
You burnt us down to ashes, but remember legends rise…..
That bastard that you so called said wasn’t good enough is more of a man than you would ever be!
Let me tell you about my son, my sons name is Nicholas, I knew the minute I conceived, I knew it, I felt it, something was different, I knew my life was about to change, I was so scared, yet so excited, I had no idea how the hell I was going to do this but I was determined. Things happen for a reason, I was meant to be married in a very bad relationship, that marriage had me move to Florida where I met my sons father, I was suppose to do everything that had happened up to that point because never once did I get pregnant with my ex husband but right away with my sons father, everything is meant to be. I knew the first time I seen this little ball of energy on my first ultrasound picture, he literally looked like an alien with his legs just a kicking, he was a mini on a mission! As he grew, my love and bond with him intensified, I couldn’t stop imagining how beautiful he was, what those little feet would like like, I couldn’t wait to kiss him. Well he decided to join this world early at 6 weeks before his due date, he wanted out NOW, and as I would grow to learn what Nicholas wants Nicholas will have! So he spent a month in the NICU and finally came home, he has never left my side.
Perfection is sought, dreamt about, longed for, in my eyes I have it, I created it, I gave birth to a son that has more brains, wits, dedication, smarts, talent, and knowledge than anyone I have ever met. I am not sure how I got so lucky, he chose me to be his mother, a love that only grows as the hours pass, I can remember as if it where yesterday holding him on my chest as he slept, that is where he would stay for years to come, now as a young man we are still very close, we can tell each other anything, I look at him in complete awe and admiration because he is more than I could have ever imagined becoming. My struggles as a single mother where real but worth every single second. My struggles and pain paved a road of enlightenment for my son, a vision of what he didn’t want or to become, ways he would change his future for the better, learning from my heartache to become the legend he already is. Legends rise and they fall, we all have the ability to become one, its what we do with the knowledge of life we lived or will live to create this status. I have watched my son suffer, hurt, cry, be angry, laugh, be distant, learn, grow, love, and I wouldn’t change anything! I gave up a lot of my wants and dreams so I could raise my son, I don’t regret a single second, I would do it over and over because to see him take his first steps, speak his first word, play his first sport, dress up as Rambo, and now going off to the Navy, these breathtaking moments are what I have lived for. I am awe struck at how powerful his motives are to become an amazing man in a society that doesn’t seem so beautiful, but he has a voice and a big one, I believe he is going to be a voice of his generation, a name that will be known, his compassion is going to help so many people, as I sit on the sidelines applauding my son, I will always remember that little boy that loved his momma, chicken nuggets, his nookie, and stitch so much.
So with so much hate, hurt, and anger that has succumbed us in his small amount of life thus far, he is far from a hateful, hurtful, angry kid, he’s outspoken, disciplined, dedicated, passionate, loveable, beautiful, funny, quick witted, driven, and so full of life that world is in for a wild ride with this one. He will change the world one person at a time with his very essence and presence I just can’t wait to ride passenger for one his circle of life. I couldn’t be more proud of the young man that I call my son Nicholas. I have never and will never love a human as much as I love him, I would sacrifice my life over and over for him because he deserves nothing less, being a mother has been the best gift that I have ever been given. I would not do anything different, I can not wait for the world to witness his strengths and learn from his weaknesses, for he will we talked about, he will be written about, he is a legend rising. He is my hero!
Mirror Image 